I have wanted to get that statement out into the open for a while. & it feels soooo good. Feels extremely good to be honest.
F* the highlight reel.
Many times we go through this life sugar coating crumbling realities. Your world can be truly falling apart – you can be barely holding it together and still you force the smile and force the one liner response “I’m doing good”. But like are you really?
- Cause you were just sitting in the car sobbing.
- Cause you barely made it out of bed this morning.
- Cause last night you yelled out from the very pit of your being “I can’t do this anymore”.
When you told me ” I’m doing good” I saw the tears building up in your eyes. I saw you turn to look the other way because looking me straight in my face and lying was dayum near impossible for you to do. & for that I am sorry.
My best conversations many times have not been with the joys people have experienced but the pain they are enduring. The tough valleys that they are crawling through day by day. The times I have felt the most heard are when I am able to really just be honest about how I feel and not have to wear a mask. A safe space where the mask can come off and I can breathe for real.
I remember a friend calling me to check in on me and I told him everything I had been keeping in and he listened and he told me “ I hope your soul finds a space to breathe”. That has stood out to me for quite some time. I have not always been able to breathe with people (many “strong” folks need the support for themselves that they so quickly offer to others) but I have always been able to breathe with my writing. He encouraged me to write a painful part of my journey and even that was hard for me. & like the blank sheet of paper…the blank google doc holds no judgement and I was scared to take the mask off and reveal the real. I started doing it slowly over time and it was like I had breathed that first out the womb breath. That first gasp was so refreshing and so very addicting. Cause even if there is no one around me who can truly hear me – I have a space. A non-judgemental. A non rushing. A non – tell you all the things you need to do to “fix it” kind of space. Some of these wounds don’t need the quick 10 step fix instructional – immediately. Just like physical wounds – emotional wounds need space to be out in the open getting fresh air.
I look on social media and I see the posts and pics that ooze with “look I’ve got it together” vibes. As of late I have been realizing that sharing how you don’t have it together actually is a critical component to getting it together. But to reach that you have to actually be honest. Be honest with yourself.
F* the highlight reel show me how you deal with all the feels of life.
This level of vulnerability and transparency is not a journey that many willingly embark on. It takes great bravery. My greatest prayer is that I can create a community where people don’t feel the need to have it together – like you can honestly lose your entire shi* and I will just sit. I can’t fix it for you but I can be with you. & many times that is all we need. & then someone that says okay can you crawl a few more steps. Okay can you stand up now. Okay can you walk…speed walk….jog….and get back in the race at your own pace?
The trials and tribulations of this world are abundant. The favor and blessings of this world are abundant. Both sides deserve to be seen and loved well because…
You don’t get the highlights without dark nights.
To help you…to help me…to help us… I have created a “Dark Night to High Light” worksheet. Check it out.
I hope you find a space that can be a flash of light when you are not at the greatest of heights.